An idiots reflections of Italy…

Tomorrow we depart Italia after 20 wonderful days.  At this point I felt it was important to share my deep (not really), thoughtful (doubtful) and insightful (cmon Corks, you’re just taking the piss now) reflections with all you seasoned travellers.

A few hours in Milan before we head for Paris via Switzerland
(or Sweden, something starting with an “S” anyway)

Driving in Italy 

I could write an entire blog on this, however let me just point out a few key suggestions:

• Don’t bother with a Sat Nav - they rarely work and when they do they send you through farm paddocks, one way streets, and towns that you’re not allowed to enter.
• Find a navigator who can distinguish and articulate left from right.
• Find a driver who can distinguish which side of the road to drive on, and how wide his car is.
• Get a small car…a really small car. Streets are small, buses and trucks are big, you do the math.
• Moped or motorbike is about the size we’re talking here, however if you do go that route, you will probably die.  It’s a tough decision. 

Better yet, don’t drive, hire a driver and load yourself in regular doses of Apperitivo to dull the senses. 

Typical traffic jam in Italy 

Eat salumi and pasta, and drink wine

This stuff is seriously good.  Don’t hold back, life’s too short. 

Eat drink and be happy

Everyone will think you’re American 

Which in the normal pursuits of a day is clearly not good.  

Australia = good, 

America = obnoxious/rude/loud/opinionated/<insert favourite insult here>

However, when eating out put on your cowboy hat, get your swagger on, and do your best John Wayne impersonation and live it up.  Yes, they will still assume you are obnoxious/rude/loud/opinionated, but they will also assume you’re a big tipper and service you accordingly.  Dining out, Australia = bad tipper = shit service.

Big tipper

Get an Instagram Account and a Photographer

If you can’t beat them, join them.  They’re freaking everywhere. 

Follow Dani on Insta and you’ll get a free pizza 

Don’t miss southern Tuscany

Val d’Orcia is elite: don’t miss it.  Montapulcino, Bagno Vignoni, Montulcino, Pienza, any of the towns really.  I know everyone reading this trip has probably done Italy top to bottom, but just don’t miss this spot next time you’re in Europe.

Or Lake Como, specifically Bellagio

And stay in Hotel Florence and pay for the superior room with a view.  Thank me later. 

Room 45, top floor on right

Visited the gardens on the way out today
 No that’s not a painting, the Editor took this amazing snap

A word on the Italian public transport system

Chaos.  But still better than driving.  Timetables are rough guides only, destinations negotiable or unstated, and the staff really really hate tourists.  And commuters. And people. Basically anything that is going to disturb their nap which roughly starts when they log in, and finishes when they log off.  Anyway, it’s still fun and it works…somehow.   Prayer helps.  As does alcohol.  

An example of an Italian Regional train

Editors note: the above is a work of fiction.  The public transport system was fine except a few hiccups.  The ferry service on lake Como did leave a little to be desired however - they were just seriously GRUMPY

You can’t do too many Monty Python jokes in Rome 

It’s actually impossible to be in Rome without quoting Life of Brian, or The Holy Grail when in Tuscany. We even found an American who got Python. 

 

Whatever happened to the Peoples Front of Judea Reg?

Next year in May I’m going to America

There are so many Americans in Italy it is difficult to work out if I’m in Florence or Florida at times.  On the basis that there are approximately 333m US citizens and 313m are in Italy, I’m going to the US so I can avoid the Americans on my next holiday. 

Notwithstanding the complete drivel above , including the many inaccuracies, exaggerations, and downright fabrications, we have absolutely loved Italy.  It is awesome, top to bottom.  We’ve also had some awesome chats with loads of random strangers, including a heap of holidaying yanks, who have made the trip even more fun. Thank you to the many reading this blog that recommended this as a primary destination in Europe.  You were right. Thanks also for the great recommendations of places to stay, things to do, and where to eat - made the planning easy and every recommendation helped.

Now we’re off to Paris!

Stay tuned for more fun-filled episodes from Australia’s 7,435,891 best-loved blog.  Corks Drivel does Paris is sure to rival Fonzie jumping the shark, and the Brady Bunch hitting Hawaii for laughs, excitement and drama.